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Question: As you may know valentine's is approaching and my school is having a valentines dance and I really like this guy at my school. We are the same age and one of my friends is friends with him. She said he would probably go out with me but I haven’t talked to him much and my friends are saying I should just ask him out. But I think that could be kind of awkward so I was thinking at the dance when they play a slow dance song I'll ask him to dance. But I'm thinking I should try and talk to him more first. What should I try to say to him? When my friends and I play truth or dare, if you pick dare they dare you to hug who you like and they know I like him so I thought I could do that. Then I could say it was a dare and see his reaction but I don't want to creep him out... what do you think is most suitable to do?
Answer: You're right, running up and hugging him might be creepy. :) And asking him out or asking him to slow dance is a big first step when you haven't talked to him. So take smaller steps. You still have a few weeks before Valentine's Day. I suggest you talk to him a couple times before the dance. You could ask him about something interesting he has done lately, or you could tell him something unique about you. Test the waters. See if you share common interests. If your conversations go well, then it isn't a huge leap to ask him to dance. Good luck and tell me how it goes!

Question: Dear Jamie, I'm starting middle school real soon and I'm really nervous. Can you please give tips about middle school so when the frist day comes I'll be prepared.
Answer: The best thing you can do to prepare for middle school is have a positive attitude. Middle school can be fun, exciting, interesting, and challenging. You’ll get to meet lots more people, make new friends, and feel more independent in school. Most girls say the hardest parts of middle school are dealing with gossip, boys, and school work. All of those are manageable. It’s okay to be nervous going into it, but you’ll find out once you are there that middle school is just the next step in life, not a big mystery. Relax and have fun with it!

Question: I like my brother’s friend. I got his number from my brother's phone but I can’t get the courage to phone him. I’m not scared of him saying "no" I'm just scared of phoning. How can I go about phoning him and not freak out? Please help!!!
As far as I can figure out, you are asking how to have courage and calmness in a time of stress. When you pick up the phone, does your heart start beating really fast, and does it get difficult to breathe? Maybe your palms start sweating and your stomach knots up? EVERYONE has moments of extreme stress or nervousness, and EVERYONE wishes they could manage to appear calm, cool, and collected even when they are freaked out. Here are a few tips to build your courage AND keep your cool:
Answer: Visualize success. Give yourself a few days before you phone, and picture yourself making the phone call. Picture yourself being relaxed, friendly, and calm. Rehearse what you will say. Keep it simple so you don’t get tangled in the middle of a sentence. Just picturing yourself being successful will help you BE successful. This goes for all aspects of life—not just calling your crush, but also sports events, competitions, tests, conversations, job interviews—so it’s a good skill to practice.
BREATHE!!!! You have control over your breathing, so use it. One of the best ways to calm down is to take a few deep breaths. Your breathing will slow, your heart will slow, the blood to your brain will slow, and your racing thoughts will slow. One sign of a relaxed person is slow, deep breaths. If you aren’t relaxed, fake it by breathing slowly.
Remember how incredible you are. This will help build your courage: use positive self-talk. In your head, list all the things you like about yourself, mental and physical. Sometimes it’s hard to get this list started. If it helps, write it down. It is NOT conceited to boost your confidence by thinking of the things that make you unique and interesting. Most people have negative self-talk: “I can’t do this, I’m not good at that, I think I’m ugly”, whatever. But if you start saying POSITIVE things to yourself instead, you will feel more confident, and you can find the courage to take on the world.
Good luck and let me know how it goes!

Question: Hey Jamie I hope i'm not annoying you. I have submitted a couple questions but I really need your help! I'm in my first year of grade seven at a new school and this year has been hard for me. I've had a lot of problems... there's this girl at my school and she’s the meanest person I have ever met! Seriously she hardly knows me and she is spreading rumors about me and my friends calling us names behind our backs and stuff and after more rumors at our school dance I went up to her and called her a b****. I know it was wrong! I should have never said that to her, but I was trying to make a point she thinks I'm shy and a total loser. I wanted to show that I'm not going to stand by and let her be a jerk like I have before but now I regret ever saying anything to he. She is pretty popular and I'm just a new girl. School starts again in 11 days and I'm afraid to face her! What should I do? She has written rumors about everyone in the washroom and people believe them, do you have any suggestions to surviving the rest of the year?
Answer:
Tough situation, but you aren't alone. Most middle school girls say that gossip is one of the top five hardest things about middle school. The best way to deal with gossip is to confront the gossiper. That doesn't mean call her names. :) I say this a lot, but BE HONEST. Honesty is the fastest way to solve a problem. So
Step ONE: PLAN ahead. Picture yourself being calm and courageous, not angry or mean. Plan what you will say, and keep it simple. Maybe, "I know you are spreading gossip about me, and I want to know why you are saying these things."
Step TWO: CHOOSE a time. Find a way to talk to her alone, just the two of you. It's easier for you AND her to be honest if you don't have an audience. She won't have to show off to anyone.
Step THREE: TALK to her. Stay calm, and remember to keep breathing. Be brave. No one (not even this girl) is all-powerful, so try not to be intimidated. One motivation for gossip is that girls feel insecure and want some way to feel powerful. Remember that this girl probably feels insecure sometimes. She might be popular and have lots of friends, but she is just a person, not the queen of the world.
Step FOUR: PREPARE for the results. She could react in several different ways. She might deny gossiping about you: "I never said that. I didn't talk about you." She might admit it, but be mean: "Yes, I said those things, and I still think you are dumb, stupid, etc." She might admit it an apologize: "I said those things, and I'm sorry." BUT no matter how she reacts, you will know that you stood up for yourself just by confronting her. You have shown that you aren't dumb or shy or a loser. Just by talking to her, you can show that you have self-confidence, courage and character.

Update: Hey Jamie, I tried your idea and it worked she stopped gossiping. I apologized for calling her that name and then explained my view point and I was honest:) But now she wants to be my friend and she is talking about my friends behind their backs and telling me a bunch of gossip! :( and I can't stand it!!! But I don't want to make the same mistake. I don't want her to hate me but I just don't want to hang out with her if she is going to gossip. What should I do? How can I get her to stop gossiping and how can I avoid hanging out with her?
Response: I LOVE hearing when things work--thanks for letting me know! I'm glad she stopped gossiping about you. Now that you did something cool, other girls notice and want to be friends with you--it is one of the drawbacks of being awesome. :) In this situation, you can do a lot of good for this girl and for all your friends that she is gossiping about.
FIRST--don't participate in the gossip. If she starts talking about someone, definitely DON'T egg her on by adding your own gossip. SECOND--Slowly change the topic. If she starts gossiping, don't make a big deal of it, but change subjects and be positive. Say, "I really like so-and-so's shirt." Or "I just remembered something I wanted to tell you about this cool thing that happened to me over the weekend." Practice finding good things to say about people to contrast what she is saying. If she doesn't have an audience, she might stop gossiping. If she doesn't stop, then try... THIRD--Be direct, but tactful. Say, "I don't want to talk about this, let's talk about (fill in the blank)." Or "I don't like talking behind people's backs. If you have a problem with so-and-so, I can help you talk to her if you want." If she STILL gossips, then try....
FOURTH--Be VERY direct. "I notice you talk about other people a lot. Is there something else that is interesting in you life that we can talk about? I think it's boring and immature to talk about people when they aren't around. I've heard that self-confident girls don't need to gossip about other girls."
If she stops gossiping, maybe she could be a fun person to hang out with. Try this, and tell me what you think. Good luck!

Question: Hey Jaime I was wondering... I like this guy at my school and I think he might like me, we know each a bit but haven't really talked except for in groups of friends, but we do usally make eye contact in the hallway, how could I get to know him more and what should I say? When ever I walk over to talk, my face goes all red and... I thought I might be a good idea to try and get his msn so I don't have to face him in person but I don't know how, do you have any ideas?
Answer: You have a few options:
1. "Beard the lion in its den." In other words, find your courage, take deep breaths, and go up to him. Then you can ask him directly for his msn or ask if he wants to hang out some time. This method is good because you get immediate, direct feedback from him. You can read his face and eyes to see if he is into you. BUT this method is also VERY hard. If you're like me, you blush easily and stammer a bunch when you're nervous. :) So look at the next two options.
2. Ask one of his friends for his msn. This is an okay option if you're too nervous about going up to him. You can get his msn and start writing without having to do the face-to-face talk with him. BUT, you will probably have to explain to the friend why you want this guy's msn, and that could get complicated.
3. Ask one of YOUR friends to ask one of HIS friends for his msn. This is, of course, the most round-about, indirect, and time-consuming method. Eventually this guy is going to know that you were interested in him enough to track down his msn, and he might think it's creepy. :) BUT, your friend could be discrete, you wouldn't have to explain to his friend, and you wouldn't have to face him one-on-one.
Even though it's the hardest, actually going up to him might be best, in the long run. I know some girls like the drawn-out drama of "he-said-she-said-she-said-he-said," but if you want results, go talk to him. The hardest part is going up to him, but I swear, once you start talking to him, it gets WAY easier. If you want advice about how to go up to him and not feel completely silly, send me another question!

Question: How do you ask a girl out? How would you like to be asked out?
Answer: Those are two VERY different questions. I am married, so I prefer NOT to be asked out at all. :) But, to answer your first question, the best way to ask a girl out is to be honest. Keep it simple and honest. Methods of asking people out depends on age. Most middle schoolers choose passing notes, asking through friends, or asking someone out online so they don't have to do it in person. I think asking someone out in person can be very scary, but also rewarding. Most high schoolers hang out with each other for a while, start a friendship, and then one asks the other out. I think most adults evolve into relationships, less awkward than in high school, because most adults have been in a few relationships already so there's less pressure. Back to being honest: you want to be sincere and courageous, which means expressing your feelings clearly and IN PERSON. A note is a nice touch if you are the kind of guy who is better at writing letters than talking. But give the note to her in person at a time when she can read it while you are there. If you're better at talking than writing, well, then, talk. Keep eye contact. Don't make false promises. (Don't declare your undying love and devotion when you're asking her out. It's a little much for a girl to take in.) So just tell her that you like her and that you want to get to know her better. For example, "I like the way you eat a donut, so I thought I'd ask if you want to go to the dance on Friday." Keep it simple, be honest. :)

Question: I subbmitted my question but I need input asap. Uhmm, agian ok in my school a lot of people are dating and I really like this guy in grade 7. PS-I'm also in grade 7. But here's the thing, he's not in any of my classes. I know him but he doesn't know me. I have tried to say hi to him but I just can't... I tried talking to one of my friends because she knows him but then shes like, aww, and then tells him one of her friends likes him and I really really like him but I don't have any idea what to do can u please help me?!
Answer:
FIRST, it’s okay to wait to date, even though lots of people in your grade might be dating already. So take your time! I know sometimes it feels like you have to do something RIGHT NOW, but take a deep breath and slow down. If you slow down, you will seem more calm, cool, and collected. Know what I mean?

NEXT, it’s best if you go talk to him yourself instead of using your friend as your messenger. It sounds like your friend didn’t really say what you wanted her to say anyways. It’s more mature to talk to him directly AND you can see for yourself how he reacts. The big question is HOW do you just go up to him, and WHAT do you say?!?!

Choose a time. Do you see him during lunch, between classes, or after school? Do you have after school clubs or activities or bus rides? Think ahead and choose a time. Try to talk to him when he’s alone, not with a bunch of friends, because it’s hard to really talk if there are a bunch of people looking on. (AND don’t bring your friends along with you either. Guys sometimes think it’s embarrassing to be in the middle of a group of girls. You’ll have to do this on your own, but you can have a friend waiting down the hall).

What do you say? I know in middle school, people start right in with “My name is ___________, do you want to go out?” There are two problems with that. First, it’s a YES or NO question without room for possibilities. The other problem is you don’t really know each other yet. You don’t know if you will like his personality or his sense of humor. You don’t know if he likes the same kind of food as you. Maybe he is really annoying, and you have no idea.
Since you don’t really know him yet, start at the beginning. Stay calm even if you’re really nervous, try to act relaxed. Make eye contact. You can read a lot from his eyes, and he will be able to see that you are sincere. BE HONEST. Say something like, “Hi, my name is ______. I’ve seen you around, and I would like to get to know you (or hang out with you).” Then have a plan for WHEN you would hang out. A school dance, after school during a club, between classes. That will be your chance to get to know him and whether or not he’s a good guy to date. After you talk, he’ll say “sure, let’s hang out” OR he might say “no thanks”. If he says sure, then get to know him. If he says “no thanks”, you might feel embarrassed or hurt or sad. BUT you can also give yourself a pat on the back for trying and surviving one of the hardest social situations in teenage life.
I hope this is helpful, and good luck!

Question: I've had a crush on a boy in my class for a long time! But my best friend who said she wouldnt ask him out did and I've been trying to cope but today they kissed but he told me he likes me too!!! WHAT DO I DO!!!!!
Answer: WOW! You are in the middle of one of the hardest friend situations that girls face. First step: get a clear idea of what you want to happen, and be realistic. You might lose your friend, you might lose a chance with the boy you like, or you could lose both. So figure out what is most important to you: your friendship, a boyfriend, or your self. Step two: talk to your friend. Stay calm and try not to get angry (THIS CAN BE VERY HARD!) Ask her what happened and LISTEN to what she says. Maybe she has good reasons for asking out the boy you like. Maybe she liked him too and couldn't find a way to tell you. If you have been good friends and up until now your relationship with her has been good for you, believe me, it will be worth your patience and time to talk this over with her. HOWEVER, if she has not been a good friend in the past, if she has just asked out this boy to get back at you and be mean, then maybe this is a sign that your friendship is coming to an end. You will have to use your judgment, but give her the benefit of the doubt by talking with her. Step three: talk to the boy. Sometimes we hold higher expectations of our friends than the boys in these situations, so we feel more let down by our friends. But this boy is making this more complicated. If he is telling you and your friend that he likes both of you, maybe he isn't a good boyfriend for either of you (talk about this with your friend too). He can't have both of you as girlfriends, and his indecision is making a mess. Ask him to be clear and make a choice. If he wants to date your friend, accept his choice and do your best to be a good friend to him and your girl friend. Step 4: Breathe. Even though this is intense and painful, you will get through it, and you will be a stronger person once you are on the other side of it.

Question: I have a crush on a boy in my class. What should I do?
Answer: Tough question!! There is no formula for how to handle a crush. Just be true to yourself and be honest. Here are a few things to think about--BEFORE you spill your guts and tell him how you feel--to make sure you are taking care of your Number One priority: YOU!
What qualities matter most to you in a boy besides how he looks?
Does this boy have those qualities?
How do you feel about YOURSELF when you are around him?
How does he treat you? Is he nice to you, even when he's around a group of his friends?
After you have answered these questions and IF you decide that it is important to YOU to tell him that you have a crush, send me another email. I'll post a few tips about how to survive that! Remember: relationships are an important part of life, but the most important relationship is your relationship with yourself.

Question: Can you make a guide to surviving middle school? Please!!!!
Answer: Awesome idea!! I work with several middle school and high school groups that would want to put together a complete girls’ guide for surviving middle school. I’ll get input from girls who, like you, are figuring out middle school AND from girls who are recent middle school survivors. Tell me the hardest issues you face in middle school—boys, other girls, bullying, peer pressure, talking to your parents, whatever!—and, with the help of girls your age, I’ll do my best to make a survival guide!

Question: I'm starting middle school next year and I don't know what to expect. Is it tough?
Answer: Middle school gets mixed reviews; some parts are fun, some are not-so-fun. Middle school can be tough. When I asked middle school girls, they said that the hardest parts of middle school are making new friends while keeping old friends, girl gossip, bullies, and some of the school work. The good news is you can prepare for those challenges. To conquer tough school work, get to know your teachers and ask for help. To survive gossip and friendship troubles, practice being a good friend and set an example by not talking about people behind their backs. Your friends will see you as trustworthy, and it will be easier to make new friends. If someone starts a rumor about you, you will have friends that you can rely on. Bullies—especially girl bullies—can be one of the biggest challenges of middle school. Most bullies try to feel stronger by making other people feel bad. Remember that bullies are scared and confused about how to be strong. If you run into trouble with a bully, talk to your friends, your favorite teacher, and, yes, even your parents. Start now to build relationships with people you trust so you can be prepared to face bullies or other middle school problems. NOW for the fun parts of middle school: most girls say the best parts of middle school are making new friends and meeting new people; electives like Life Skills classes and woodshop; and after-school activities such as sports and clubs. As a middle schooler you will have more freedom (and more responsibilities) and lots more choices. I say this a lot: stay true to yourself. Be yourself, and middle school will be tons of fun!

Question: Do we have to ask questions or can we just talk to you?
Answer: Sure you can talk to me. Sometimes it's hard to catch me, because I am usually out running girl groups. Leave a message if I'm not there. 1-800-827-9478. After someone picks up, dial my extension, 230.

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